We discussed the option of marriage counselling. So what other solutions could you look to?
I sat down with a tremendous marriage counsellor near me and compiled a list of ideas and suggestions which you could consider.
There are two integral parts to this. The first is to listen to your partner.
It is very important that you show them that you respect their thoughts and opinions by putting time aside to really listen to their thoughts and feelings.
This can help you to really understand what is wrong in the relationship, in their opinion. There may be elements that you do not wish to here. However there may be things which are easy for you to change or alter in order to make them happier.
Once the problems are laid out, it can give a fuller understanding of the deep issues within the relationship.
Communication really is one of the major causes of relationship breakdowns.
The second part of this is to express to them how you feel. After all, communication works both ways.
You need to understand their feelings, thought and concerns. Just as they need to understand and hear yours.
This period of communication is designed to be open and honest, but also constructive rather than critical.
- Find Common Goals
Understand common goals that you both share can go an awful long way to saving your marriage.
When you are both agreed the direction you wish to head in, you can help each other to stay on track.
The key here is to agree goals that are acceptable to you both. As you both need to be in full agreement to make this work.
For example one could be that once a month you go on a date, just the two of you. Really make an effort and try to do something intimate and special.
If only one was in favour of this then it would work.
Perhaps you each want something slightly different. If compromise is willing to be made on both sides then this can go an awful long way to showing each other that you really do care.
- Be willing to compromise
This leads us very nicely into our next point. Whether your relationship succeeds or fails, compromise will play a huge role in determining this result.
You and your other half will each have different needs. Are you willing to accept this and accommodate these?
Putting yourself out to benefit the other person can really show that you do care and that you are willing to consider their needs.
Focusing on yourself more than your partner will create distance, barriers and also resentment. However if you are both willing to find middle ground then this is a very solid platform to build upon.
Remember that this compromise must not be one sided. It must work both ways.
- Don’t use blame
It goes without saying but this is a very unhealthy mind-set to have. Blaming someone for a problem will only breed negativity.
By all means discuss issues and explain how they make you feel; but do not be negative by directing blame.
This can cause by resentment and disconnection.
The point of blaming another can often come from one of two things. Lack of communication or unrealistic expectations.
Ensure any conversations about the above are productive and controlled. After all we are trying to find a solution here, not make the problem worse.
- Be spontaneous
Think about how it makes you feel when someone does something nice for you. Then think about how extra special that is when it is completely random or out of the blue.
Could you carry out a completely random act of kindness to show the other person that you do care.
Perhaps something that you would have considered doing when you first met.
Think back to that romantic stage and think about whether that feeling can be rekindled.
It is so easy to simply fall into a routine, so try to break that up and do something special.
You just might make their day; and go a long way to saving your marriage.
This is something a lot of people struggle with. Perhaps it is because it is so very hard to do.
Or maybe perhaps they see it as a sign of weakness or backing down.
Just remember that it takes a very strong person to forgive. You do not always have to forget, bacuase those memories can shape the person you are. However you will need to look past it if at all possible.
The inability to forgive can be a huge barrier when it comes to attempting to save a marriage. As well as being a huge cause of marriage breakdown in the first place.
- Take some time out
Although often viewed as a last solution, consider spending some time apart.
Often when things are tough, we find it hard to see what we actually have right in front of us.
We can take each other for granted and forget what we have.
Spending a little time apart can help you to see what brought you together in the first place.
That time alone with your thoughts can remind you what it is about that person you would miss the most, as well as how much they mean to you.
So if you think this solution may help save your marriage, it has surely got to be worth a try.
It is however recommended that this stage is agreed together. Think about how long a period you both may require, or agree to be flexible to each other’s needs.
All of this information will be discussed with you at marriage counselling sessions. If you have not found a counsellor to support in saving your marriage, then search for marriage counsellor near me to find the right professional for you.